Another Night

Yesterday my mother had a rough day. She was agitated and fidgety all day. She had gone for at least 3 days with virtually no sleep, but she was unable to sit still and rest. They gave her more anti-anxiety medication and it came close to putting her to sleep but did not. Now instead of being wide awake and fidgeting, she was 90% asleep and fidgeting.

Dad and John spent the day with her. Just before visiting hours ended they were told she would be going in for another CT scan. They got to stay until that was finished, but it didn't take long. They were also told that her diet was being changed and that she was on a no-food-after-midnight plan. That's good. That means that she should be having her biopsy today. Finally.

She had much more help through out the day and night too. She had what the hospital calls "sitters" assigned to her. Their job is to stay in the room with her and get her help when she needs it... and in this case, tell her she can't get out of bed when she tries to "go to the kitchen" or "go to her other bed upstairs" or when she sees some one in the hallway who passed away years ago.

On Monday, during a clear moment, she asked John to please make sure some one stays with Dad while she's in the hospital. We're trying but its going to be nearly impossible. I stayed with him last night, John the night before. I did not handle being away from my family very well, even though it was one friggin' night. I felt like the worst son and worst husband ever. I don't know if I can do it again, and I sure as hell can't ask my brother to handle it himself. He has already done 100 times more for my parents than any of us since this whole ordeal began. I only get to see my step kids two days this week. I didn't see them between Monday morning and last night, but I never see them between Monday morning and Wednesday night. John didn't see his kids during that stretch either, but he should have. We're just not going to be able to make it work. A night here and there, maybe, but this could stretch on indefinitely.

I feel like such an asshole.

They better do that damn biopsy today, and the lab and the pathologist had better fast track it and finally get us some real information.