Senate Election

I am not going to say anything about yesterday's Massachusetts Senate election. I am traditionally a sore loser when it comes to politics but I am going to take the high road this time.

I am going to say this though:

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

I'm not an ambi-turner.

Or are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am? A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?

So join now, 'cause at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than just being really, really, really good looking. Right kids?

Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's right? But they won't be looking for... not us.

Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking "wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career."

I'm sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.

How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?

There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".